"This is the stuff that hate crimes are made of!"
The night was like any other. My straight friend Matt G. and I enjoyed an evening of watching college sports in Charlottesville, Virginia. We were good friends despite having few things in common. I am staunch Democrat who is also a self-conscious and proud gay racial minority, while he is a unapologetic straight male Republican. He is a rental car salesperson. I am a health care professional. We attended rival universities and almost never agree on politics. For the most part, all of that had little effect on our relationship, which had been well-maintained over the years. When issues surfaced, such as his use of "that's gay" for everything and everyone he found repulsive, we were able to discuss it and came to a common understanding. Though his increasing referral to me as "my nig" or nigger was less forgiving especially since he, as a white male, did not in the least care about the history, meaning, or insult of the word. Had it not been for fag, his use of nigger would have most certainly ended the relationship eventually.
Everything changed last night. We were engaged in a silly conversation about what he took for lunch in high school, where we both attended. I told him that he frequently brought a cheese bread pepperoni sandwich, which he adamantly denied. Now, like many of these silly conversations that we have had before, I assumed that cool heads would prevail and never one of us would really get upset. What's the big fuss about, right? It's just a sandwich.
To my shock and horror, he took such offense that he began accusing me of being racist because of the pepperonis. He's only half Italian, though you really wouldn't know it save for the name. Unfortunately, I couldn't say that he was only in a half state of sobriety. By this time, he'd downed eight beers. I conveyed my surprise that he'd really think that I would engage in this type of culturally insensitive banter. Then, as I am trying to reel him back in and maintain some decorum, he hits below the belt (twice). He attempts to connect my cheese bread by stereotypical overtures about Black people eating chitlins.
Then, he begins yelling, "You fag! You fag!" I was in such a state of shock that I avoided eye contact and couldn't quite communicate how deeply I was offended. I maintained my compusure, but it all shook me to the core. Why would a "friend" insult me on so many levels without any regard for my feelings?
I realized that the relationship needn't go any further.
